Separation anxiety is a completely normal part of your baby’s development, but that doesn’t make it any easier when they cling to you or get upset the moment you leave the room. Whether it’s dropping them off at nursery, leaving them with a grandparent, or even just stepping away to make a cup of tea, seeing your little one in distress can be heartbreaking. The good news is that this phase won’t last forever, and there are plenty of ways to help your child feel more secure.

Babies and young children don’t yet understand that when you leave, you’ll always come back. As they grow and develop, they’ll learn to trust that goodbyes aren’t forever, but in the meantime they may need some extra reassurance.

From around 6 to 8 months, many babies start to realise that you exist even when they can’t see you. This is called object permanence, and while it’s a big milestone in brain development, it also means they can suddenly feel anxious when you disappear from sight. This is when separation anxiety often begins, with babies crying the moment they’re put down or left with another caregiver.

By 12 to 18 months, toddlers are more mobile and independent, but they still rely on you as their safe base. Separation anxiety can peak around this age, especially if they’re going through big changes like starting nursery or transitioning to their own room at night. Some toddlers may also develop a strong preference for one parent over another, which can be tricky if you need to leave them with someone else.

As they approach 2 to 3 years old, toddlers are better at understanding time and routines, but that doesn’t mean goodbyes are always easy. They might use stalling tactics (“Just one more hug!”) or get upset when you leave, even if they settle quickly afterwards. Changes like a new sibling, moving house, or even starting preschool can make separation anxiety resurface, even if they’ve handled goodbyes well before.

One of the best ways to support your little one is to practice short separations to help build their confidence. Start with something small, like leaving the room for a few minutes while talking or singing so they know you’re still nearby. Playing peekaboo can also help reinforce the idea that you always come back.

If your baby or toddler struggles with being left with another caregiver, keeping goodbyes calm, confident, and consistent can make a huge difference. It might be tempting to sneak away to avoid a meltdown, but a quick, reassuring “Mummy/Daddy will be back soon!” followed by a confident exit is more effective in the long run. Leaving behind something familiar, like a favourite comforter or a piece of your clothing, can also help them feel more secure.

For older toddlers, simple explanations can work wonders. Letting them know exactly when you’ll be back in a way they understand, such as “after lunch” or “when Peppa Pig finishes” can make separations easier. Creating a predictable goodbye routine, like a special wave or a “hug, high five, go!” can also make goodbyes feel more fun and familiar.

Separation anxiety is a completely normal phase, but if it seems to be getting worse over time or is interfering with your child’s ability to settle at night, go to nursery, or be left with trusted caregivers, it might help to speak with a health visitor or GP.

Most children outgrow separation anxiety as they develop more independence and confidence, but in the meantime, patience, reassurance, and lots of cuddles will go a long way in helping them feel safe.